How To Spend St. Patty’s Day In Iowa

In such a dense Irish area that we call New England, there’s no better place to spend St. Patty’s day than…Des Moines, Iowa. Here’s how we did it.

Step 1: Leave SHU at 2 am Thursday morning for Newark Airport

Step 2: Depart from Newark to Midway Airport in Chicago at 6 am. At this point, you still think Iowa doesn’t have electricity, let alone an airport

Step 3: Grab your bags and instruments and get on a bus…for 6 hours

Step 4: Sleep for half the bus ride, wake up periodically to see only farm, then go back to sleep

Step 5: Stop at a truck stop for McDonald’s

Step 6: Then remember you gave up McDonald’s for lent. Damn it

Step 7A: Arrive in Des Moines. “Hey, look! It’s a building!”

Step 7B: Arrive at your hotel. Receive greetings from the women’s basketball team, since you’re probably the first people they’ve seen in days

Step 8: Grab your friends and head over to the only restaurant nearby

Step 9: Remember, you took Iona in your bracket, only to be surrounded by 50 gun­tokin’ Iowa State fans dressed in Cardinal, gold, and of course, camo

Step 10: It’s now 4 o’clock on St. Patty’s day, order a Guinness

Step 11: The waitress comes over, only to be bombarded with “ALRIGHT Y’ALL IMMA NEED TO SEE ALL Y’ALL ID’S!” Damn it

Step 12: Order a Seltzer instead of a Guinness

Step 13: Realize that no one in Iowa knows what “Seltzer” is, and ask “Do you want a soda water hun?” Shake my head

Step 14: Eat a delicious burger, since they got the beef 10 minutes ago down the road

Step 15: Look at snapchat from back home and realize a ridiculous darty is taking place. *cries on the inside*

Step 16: Head over to Drake University for the SHU vs Drake women’s game

Step 17: Heckle the other team the entire time (“Nice haircut number 20! Where’d you get it, the haircut store!?”)

Step 18: Lose the game, but glad you’re there to support your Pioneers

Step 19: grab some beer at the gas station and play a dangerously intense game of “never have I ever” which results in everyone getting offended and going to bed

Step 20: Wake up friday morning to go back to Chicago

Step 21: Stop at the “World’s Largest Truck Stop” Wow. Exhilarating. Was not ready for that. Cross that off the bucketlist you never knew you had

Step 22: Get to the airport at 5 for your 7 pm flight.

Step 23: Find out your flight is delayed an hour

Step 24: Cry inside

Step 25: Have McDonald’s again. Sorry

Step 26: Realize you’re not going to be back in time for the kegger that’s going down at school

Step 27: Actually cry

Step 28: Look down and see you phone is dead. Actually panic

Step 29: Arrive at Newark and head back to SHU

Step 30: Look around the bus and realize you wouldn’t do a spontaneous trip to Iowa with anyone else

Al a men

– M. Fritz

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